blast from the past...

as i was finishing up the last of my unpacking today, i came across two sheets of notebook paper i had written such a long time ago, during a time that i truly struggled with my faith and who i am. it feels very symbolic that i would find something so indicative of how much i have grown and changed over the years during a time when i am facing much change and uncertainty. i thought i would share it here with all of you...

There was a time when I was pretty sure about what I believed and was quite happy in my Christian bubble. A part of me had always been somewhat uncomfortable with my faith, but I was okay with it. I'd always really liked Jesus's philosophy on life and really appreciated how important it was to our society. But in some ways, I have always been lacking in the more "supernatural" side of faith. In the back of my mind, I guess I've always wondered if I've ever actually been moved by the Holy Spirit or have been "spoken to" by God. I think it's because so much of my early Christianity was defined by what I can do in leadership roles within the church community. It always seemed like just as long as I was still in these organizations, I was still a Christian. College was a huge test of this faith and when my Christian community was still okay and happy, things were fine. I was still okay. Then this Christian community was threatened and I turned to the next comfortable place I can find. I was really convicted when I realized that my "faith" is something I may not be willing to die for. That really scared me. I want to make sure that I have a purpose or direction in life. Faith had always been important to me. Just because it's not as strong as it used to be doesn't mean that I don't want to work on it anymore. I'm sad that I lost my "religion." I need to go back to church and really start to take things seriously again. I need God. I know this.

I believe that God exists.
I believe that God is the creator of the universe.
I believe that God loves His creation unconditionally.
I believe that God gave us free will and choices, but God sees all possible outcomes of our choices.
I believe that God wants the best for me because He loves me.
I believe that I can't do anything to make God love me less.
I believe that God will never lead me down the wrong path.
I believe that all good things are made possible only through God - these are called blessings.
I believe that God will sometimes look like He is ignoring us or making us suffer. There is always a reason why we hurt or feel pain. The reason is NEVER because God doesn't like or care about us.
I believe that God talks to us through the Bible, but it's not the only way to now what God wants for our lives.
I believe that God uses everyone/anyone around me to speak to me.