pentimenti: changed; painted over.

I'm a couple of weeks into my internship this semester and I AM SO OUT OF MY ELEMENT! In some ways, it is a completely humbling experience and in others it is utterly frustrating. I am still struggling very much with fitting into a new setting in which I have no previous education or experience and still feel like I'm making valuable contributions. In many respects, I still feel unneeded or unwelcome. Still, I try to make it a point to seek how I can grow and learn from these life experiences. Being uncomfortable is tough, but I know that it is shaping my character. It will help me grow and make me better in the long run.

In other news, today marks the ninth month of my relationship with Samuel. I never thought I would be the person who would count such things, but with every month that passes, I still remain in awe of the time we have together. The relationship feels so new still in so many ways: I have not gotten bored and things have not gotten "old." On the other hand, the relationship feels so familiar. We have grown together so much that it feels like we have been together for years. I have to eat my own words when I said that I would never be the person who would get so caught up in relationships. I realize now that what I have always rejected was the vulnerability that is required when you are sharing your heart and soul with another person, and the control you have to let go when you are putting your trust that it will all work out for the best in the end.

I have tough days ahead of me as Samuel prepares to temporarily relocate his life and ministry to South Korea. While this time will certainly be a big trial for our relationship, it is likewise a big trial of our individual relationships with God. I am learning to trust God in ways that I have never had to trust in God and I know I will learn patience in ways that I have never experienced patience. I know that this is what's best for us because I know this is God's will for us, but knowledge of that is not sufficient to overcome the sadness I feel. In the coming days, I know that I need to hold on to God as the source of my strength and the provider for all my needs.