on unfailing grace

new year's is a particularly interesting holiday for me. in the grand scheme of things, it's a rather arbitrary way of counting our days here on earth, a social construction we've come to accept as an appropriate time to hit the reset button. we make new year's resolutions, we take the opportunity to assess the last 365 days we have lived, and make plans to how we want to change and improve the quality of our existence. we use it to mark time, so that we can look back at our growth, or lack thereof. last year, i reflected at how 2010 had been a rough year for me, one in which i felt like i had lost myself. i wrote about the profound feeling i felt about God's promise of being found:

i started praying about how lost i'd become this [past] year [2010] and how badly i wanted to be found again. how badly i wanted to find myself, find God and be found by God. and then almost in the same stream of consciousness, i had a deep profound feeling that God was telling me that i will be found, that God will help me find myself and that God himself will find me again... i felt God promise that 2011 will be the year i will be found... i think it's about grace all over again. grace doesn't happen just once. there is no quota... it doesn't matter how many times you get lost. it doesn't matter how often you lose yourself or lose God in the midst of the world's trials and tribulations. the truth is, amazing grace keeps finding you.

this past year [2011], i have learned that being found is not one event or moment. being found, much like receiving God's grace, is an ongoing process. it's about realizing and naming the habits, relationships, opinions, and other elements in your life that have facilitated your wandering away from your path, from who God created you to be. it's about, after realizing and naming aforementioned things, the subsequent re-orienting of yourself so that you can return to the path from which your wandered. in 2011, i began that process of being found, but i've still got a long way to go.

i'm not one for resolutions. and i do believe that new year's day is rather arbitrary. but it's also as good a time as any to reassess one's life and put into motion any new habits aimed at improving my quality of life in any level - physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. in thinking about this new year and how i can make the best use of this marker of time in my life, i have come up with one goal. it is both vague and specific, measurable and not. my new year's resolution for 2012 is to change the fundamental rhythm of my life in a way that improves its overall quality. here are some practical ways in which i hope to implement this change in rhythm:

• watch less television and use the extra time for other hobbies and intellectual pursuits
• wake up earlier and go to bed earlier
• spend more time alone with God
• do one thing every day that i love that has nothing to do with my job, whether it's writing, reading or going for a walk.
• take care of myself better and take more pride in how i present myself to others

the list might still grow. but for now, it will do.

i am looking forward to 2012. i am no longer lost, but the process of being found is a continuous one. the task is great, but it is comprised of small, day-to-day decisions that make it seem not so daunting. the secret is to accept that where there is a goal that has been set, there is also the possibility of failure. but where there is failure, there is unfailing grace. and grace is enough.