Roughly 30 days until graduation day. Things picked up speed after my mid-semester break and I haven’t gotten a chance to stop and reflect on things. The first draft of my thesis has been turned in and I’m now waiting to hear back from my reader of my fate. I anticipate having some things to rework, but other than that I think it’s pretty much another wrap. Two theses in 3 years. I hope I’m done with that for a while. I’m starting to see the end of the line - I’ve got 3 more papers for the rest of my classes and I’ll be done with course assignments.
God has been GOOD to me. I’ve been very stressed out about what my life is going to be like after graduation, on top of general anxiety about my long-term future. I noticed that I was dwelling on my anxieties in a very unhealthy manner, so during Lent I took up the practice of saying short prayers every time I caught myself getting fixated on something I can’t control or can’t do anything about. Needless to say, where I’m going to live and what I’m going to do after graduation got prayed about a lot because I stressed out about it a lot. All the praying paid off! I got a job offer a few weeks ago. It’s an interim/temporary position, but at least it’s at a place I really enjoy and it’s an income to help me get situated. After the job offer, I began looking around for apartments and after a few disappointments, I found one through my church. The girl I’ll be living with is really great, and we discovered when I got there that the roommate who is moving out was in my small group last year. Small world! It was such an easy, no-stress process with familiar people, and it was clearly God’s doing and not my own. So now, with about a month to go until graduation, I have a job and a place to live. My mother even offered to help me with furnishing the new place so I can save up some money. It is only by the grace of God that this is all working out like this. I am ever so thankful about how blessed I am.
In other news, my internship this semester is continuing to challenge and stretch me. Every time I’m at the office, I am challenged to see the silver lining behind this cloud. I am learning some things, which is valuable, but I’m mostly beginning to understand what life is like for people whose careers and passions are not in tandem. I’m also learning how to work wholeheartedly even though I am not connecting with the work I do or personally find value in it. I have often felt second rate in the office, hearing the producers and editors refer to me not by name but by the simple designation of “the intern,” as in “just have the intern do it.” This is helping me understand that the work wrought by every hand is valuable and that every worker should be treated with dignity and respect regardless of how high or low they are on the ladder. I am reminded of the verse Ephesians 6:7, where Paul admonishes those who were slaves to serve wholeheartedly as if they were serving God and not their earthly masters. I know God has put me in this place for a reason, and even though I don’t understand it right now, I honor and trust that God knows what He’s doing by giving my all to every project they ask me to do, regardless of how insignificant and minute it seems to be. I know that one day God will use this experience for something.
Finally, it’s been over a month since Samuel left for Korea. I’ve still got some good days and bad days, but I still trust that God has brought us this separation for a reason. This trust ultimately makes it possible to get through the bad days. I talk to Samuel more often now; I think it’s because it’s taken this long to have a routine developed. We have plans to meet up sometime in July, somewhere, so I’m looking forward to that time. We don’t know what shape these plans are going to take, but hopefully, it’s something that is doable financially and time-wise. I trust that things will be revealed in time.
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