all over the place

every time i sit down to update this thing, i never feel like i have anything smart or important to say, beyond just recounting my life has been like. that's not fun at all. not that anyone is actually reading this other than, well, me. and perhaps someone who is really, REALLY bored. and so, for my own edification and for the desperately bored person to whom a few moments of distraction will be precious, i write on...

it looks as though my life is now back to the whirlwind it was before i went on my week-long sabbath. that week was precisely what i needed. i was able to "accomplish" all the guidelines i had set for myself for making the week as restful and rejuvenating as i possibly can. i scrubbed the kitchen clean, i tapped into my creative side, i visited museums, and caught up with old friends. i even got the chance to show the boy where i went to college. i'm very glad that he got to see where i did most of my growing up and figuring out who i am. that was a bizarre experience. everything still looks the same, but feels different. i suppose that's because i've changed, and that's okay. in some ways, it was kind of like a victory lap - not in the sense that i am never going to go back there ever again, because i probably will. rather in the sense that i never got to thank that place for helping me become who i am today. probably because it took a few years to figure out what that place meant to me.

of course, since i last posted, a very important date came and went. 9/11/11. i can't believe that it's been 10 years. i still remember it like it was yesterday. i was actually asked to give a short testimony about it at church that day, because the sermon that day was about forgiveness and healing. 10 years later, i am still working through it. i am now working through things that have been there for 10 years but i didn't notice until recently. i cried for the first time about 9/11/01 this year. 10 years later, i hadn't cried about it, until on the anniversary. in front of people. oh well.

i realize this post is a little schizophrenic. i'm going to try not to go back and edit it before i post it live. i used to hate stream of consciousness writing, but now i kinda appreciate it. not everything needs to be so planned, controlled and meticulous. sometimes, you just have to let it out and let it go.

i'll be back again and next time i will have more-organized thoughts. until next time...