at a loss...

usually when there is a long gap between my posts, the culprit is a lack of time to devote to sitting down and committing words to a screen. not this time. for the last few days, i've been thinking about how it's time for me to update my blog, but every time i sit down and try to write something, i am at a loss for things to say.

i'm afraid it's not different this time around. i am, however, choosing to start typing anyway, because a writing professor once told me that artists sometimes have to WRITE their self-portrait. and i know from being a painter that sometimes the first stroke of paint is the toughest to apply because disturbing a perfectly clean canvas for seemingly no good reason is one of the hardest things to do. but alas, here i am... wreaking havoc at a perfectly clean canvas even though i don't really think i have anything significant to convey...

there is a heaviness in my heart recently along with a feeling of being incomplete and unresolved. i'm not really sure where this is coming from, but i suppose i can chalk it up to one of those funks i find myself in once in a while. often, i find comfort in knowing that it's okay to be incomplete and unresolved - i don't think i will really feel whole and finished until i have fully become the person God has created me to be... and only Christ can be the perfector of who I am. perhaps the reason why i feel so incomplete and unresolved is simply that God is not done with me yet. and that's okay.