last year's anniversary was bittersweet; even though it was our first year dating, samuel was in korea at the time. he did manage to send me a nice bouquet of flowers that scented my new apartment with eucalyptus for a few days. this year's anniversary was uneventful also - samuel had papers and projects for the end of the semester that took some time. i think we'll be celebrating a little later down the road, after all the May craziness is over.
in being able to look back, though, i've been able to really take a look at myself and how much i've grown in the last year, since graduation from seminary. it has been quite an adventure.
one of the things that has drastically changed in my life is the idea of surrendering and letting God take the reins. i have always been a control freak, and i think really made strides in letting go this past year. i've learned that life isn't merely comprised of to-do lists that must be fulfilled by a certain deadline. the irony of it all is that i needed a to-do list and a certain deadline in order to learn this lesson.
i've been endeavoring to attain 25 specific goals before i turn 25. some of them are big life goals (they're the secret ones i have not divulged), but some of them are little, seemingly mundane things. and while the idea that i may not check off everything in this to-do list by my given deadline once really upset and terrified me, i am now okay with it. i'm more than okay with it - i am THRILLED that i have learned this lesson through it. and with that, i am doing something that i have never done before:
I AM ACCEPTING FAILURE.
i have failed, in a sense. i did not achieve the 25 things i had set out to do, by the given deadline. in some ways, that is failure. but i have learned and grown enough to know that i am not defined by that. i'm not defined by the goals i have failed to meet, but rather by the things that have already been accomplished. there is one significant lesson i have learned from this entire pursuit:
THERE IS ALWAYS GRACE...
...and there is always a grace period. with that, i am extending my deadline - giving myself one full year to accomplish the things i have set out. this isn't because i am a slacker and i want to give myself plenty of time to run down the to-do list (even though it certainly does seem that way, and at an earlier point in my life, i would have judged the situation that way). no, this is simply my way of acknowledging the pattern that God has had a lesson for me behind every goal i've set out to accomplish, and that perhaps the time to learn those lessons can't be confined by my own self-imposed time frames.
and one more thing: a person isn't static. she changes, evolves, grows, becomes more like her Creator. and with that, priorities change. things that were my heart's desire when i first set these goals out may not necessarily be important to me anymore. that's another lesson learned - when planning your life, save enough room for self-growth. and don't just save enough room for how much YOU think you will grow. go crazy, dream big and leave enough room for how much you think God can grow you.
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